Welcome back to me!

Welcome back to the blog world, Gretchen. I finally found the time and the want to to sit down and figure out my password and be able to sign into my blog! Almost 3 years later! Redic, I know! Oh well, better late than never, right? So I am really looking forward to getting back into blogging. I have alot to say and not alot of people to say it to. So hopefully I'll connect with some friends, new and old, through this blog and we can share the good, the bad, the ugly, the gross, the funny, etc etc. Since 2009, our family has moved into what I hope is the home we live in for a long long time. Been here since July 2010. In August of 2010, we had a new son, Peyton Knox. We call him Knox. He will be 2 this August. Lacee will be 14 and a freshman in high school this fall. Mark Anthony will be 7 soon and will go to the first grade. Tommy will be 5 and hopefully in the local pre-k class at the elementary school we send our children to. Mark is still a sgt for the local police department, and I am still a stay at home mom. I also provide childcare in my home for other sweeties while their mommys and daddys work or further their education. We have a pool in our backyard!! =) hip hip hooray! and even better, we opened it for the first time this year! It looks like a storm is upon us here, so I am gonna sign off for now! I'm gonna have to relearn how to post pics and fancy up my blog a bit...

hard to believe

it is hard to believe that christmas is right around the corner. my christmas cards should arrive today, i ordered them off snapfish this weekend. they are going to be precious, my favorite ones we have had so far! i have to mail some of them as soon as i get them, as it will take around 4-6 weeks for my family in europe to get theirs. i guess i will wait to mail the rest of them till around the first of december.
it is hard to believe that my daughter is almost halfway through her first year at middle school. some of her former closest friends dont come around as much. they are still friends, no worries, just finding new friends as well. lots of new friends have been coming over, which is great too. we must always cherish our friends. and thankfully, she hasnt brought home any friends that have caused me any alarm. she got in a great group of classes surrounded by tons of great kids and has great teachers. they teachers even say they are having a great year. wonderful! about a month or so ago, a couple of 20 something year old girls from church took lacee and a friend to the movies. sitting right behind them was a girl from lacee's class, with a boy, kissing. they werent pg-rated kissing either. lacee was shocked and thought it was gross. i dread the day that it isnt gross anymore.
it is hard to believe that mark anthony is 4 years old. that he could potentially go to kindergarten next year. i havent made my mind up on that one yet, i will wait to see what his preschool teacher says she thinks is best for him. financially, him going to kindy would be great b/c its free. but i will not rush my children to school just to save a dollar. (well, lots of dollars). he is so smart. he is such a boy. wild and hyper and unable to be still very long at home or church or anywhere basically with mom and/or dad, yet perfectly still, attentive and eager to learn at school and in sunday school.
it is hard to believe that tommy is already 2. he is flirting with potty training. he is gaining more and more vocabulary so fast. he is so sweet, so passionate when he is happy. so angry when he is angry. he thinks he is as big as his brother and his sister, and gets upset when he cant do what he wants. he also loves going to school and church. he has no desire to be quiet during church, and i wonder when or if that will change.
it is hard to believe that mark and i will have been married 8 years in less than a month. 8 years! thats a long time. its been a wonderful 8 years! has every day been rosy, no. but more of them have been rosy than stinky. i am blessed to have him as a husband, my children blessed to have him as a daddy.
it is hard to believe that money stinks as bad as it does. 8 years and we still are not where we need to be. no savings. no extra. still robbing peter to pay paul so to speak. its true, our budgeting skills are not the greatest, but we do not blow money. we have amazingly low rent for our home (that we plan to buy within 2 years), we have light bill, water bill, cellphone bill, tv/internet bill, 1 vehicle payment (we didnt have a vehicle payment for almost 2 years till my van broke), groceries, gas, childcare, and tons of doctor bills. and a bank note on a consolodation loan from several years ago. thats it. no furniture payments, no stereos, appliance, credit cards, 4 wheelers, boats, etc. we havent been on a vacation in 7 years. its depressing. now i know money and things are not the most important things in the world. our family has each other, love, God, and all the basics we need. yet i long for the day when we dont have to wait for the next paycheck to be able to pay the rent or the lights. when our children ask for a certain jacket or shoes that we are able to get them for them if we choose to.
it is hard to believe that my mom will be 60 soon. in 9 days actually. wow. we arent as close as we were when she turned 50, but we are closer than we were when she turned 58 or 59. i miss the days when we were super close, but i am happy for the progress we are making.
it is hard to believe that my daddy has been dead for 12 years. i miss him terribly. i wish he could meet mark and my kids. i know he will someday.
it is hard to believe that marks daddy is also gone, he has been gone 7 years. he loved lacee, and we know he would have loved the boys too. he will meet them someday. i wonder if he and my daddy watch us together.
it is hard to believe that marks mom is in the nursing home, and that she has been there for over a year now. she went from being able to drive, shop, cook, etc to being a complete victim of alzheimers and dementia in 3 months, and now it is hit or miss that she knows who mark is when he goes to visit.
it is hard to believe that i have family in europe i still havent met. my mom reunited with her siblings after 50+ years (she was adopted). they all live in europe. 5 in germany, 1 in spain, and 1 in turkey. mom went to germany in 2006 and met everyone. i have meet the ones that have came here. first was karl-heinz, my uncle. he came in 2005. then came my aunt heidi and her husband willi. they came in 2007, the day tommy was born actually. this past summer, my aunt brigetta and my uncle's wife uri came. i still have not met peter, helmut, willi, or monica. nor have i met any of the kids and grandkids. i priced round trip airfare for my family and my mom and its over $10,000. it doesnt look like we will be going anytime soon.
it is hard to believe that we will soon, not sure how soon, but soon, be getting to see marks neices and meeting their children. they live in georgia and we havent spoken to them in 7 years, give or take a possible hello once or twice. andrea and i have been talking alot on facebook, and have enjoyed one phone call this week. she calls me aunt gretchen, and i love that. andrea and rebekah are 28, twins from marks half sister, who is 19 years older than him. the age makes me feel like they should be my sister in laws. but they can call me aunt gretchen and we can laugh and cut up like the sisters i never had.
it is hard to believe when blessings come from the most unexpected of sources. thats how God likes it, i suppose. we had a communication breakdown with the director of the boys preschool with regards to a possible scholarship and ended up with a 2 month balance we could not pay. we had to pull the boys out of school for a month, they finally went back this week and were so excited! having them cry to go to school was heart breaking. the balance is not paid in full, but a wonderful lady, a friend i met only last year, is helping us with it. i did not ask her for help, she seen me crying one day picking up mark anthony (the school allowed him to go on a field trip one day during the month) and she asked me what was wrong. i told her, and she insisted on helping. i am so grateful to her. i dont have the right words for her, i just pray that someday we will be able to help someone in the same situation.
its hard to believe that after the mistakes i made in middle school, high school and the year that followed that God has blessed me with the life i have now. i have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, a job i love, and a promised land beyond my widlest expections. and that is hard to believe too because my imagination can run pretty wild!

biblical parenting

i dont copy and paste each one of these tips i get in my email to my blog. i get one or two a week. but there are some that are just too good not to. here are a few of them.



Parenting Tip

September 28, 2009


Three Ideas for Good Communication


Learn How to Start
The way you present an issue often determines the response. Sometimes it’s best to address a problem immediately, while other times waiting a few hours is more appropriate. Wisely choose a time, place, and approach with the goal of not just rebuking, but correcting, and finding resolution. "Lisa, I'd like to talk about the way you treated me earlier. Is now a good time or should we talk after dinner?"

Learn When to Stop
Once a dialogue has developed, have discernment to know when to stop. Some parents feel like they must win an argument or come to resolution by the end of the conversation so they end up pushing too hard. Other times emotions get too involved. Still other parents end a simple correction with preaching, bringing up the past, or making exaggerated statements about the offense.

In any case, it’s important for parents to know when to take a break or simply stop the conversation. "I think we better stop here. Things are getting pretty tense. We need to continue this conversation, but let's take a break for now. Maybe we'll think of some other ideas in the meantime to help resolve this problem." Learning when to stop during conflict is a very important skill.

Learn How to Listen
Conflict represents opportunity. Children watch parents handle conflict and observe how they resolve differences. Listening and affirming a young person’s thinking is an honoring step in conflict management.

“I understand you'd discipline your sister differently. Your ideas make sense. At this point, I have to make the decision and I’m going to emphasize something different, but I appreciate your ideas.” Affirming or validating a child's thinking or reasoning is helpful for their development.

As you dialogue with your kids, you must learn to tolerate criticism. Many discussions you have will open the door for your teen to criticize you. Don't feel threatened or take these jabs personally. Use them to discuss issues and explain your decisions. If you can be transparent enough to use yourself as an example, your children will learn much more about life.


This parenting tip is taken from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. It's a book about honor and talks about how we treat one another inside and outside the family.


If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.


Parenting Tip

September 17, 2009


Should We Protect Them?


Should I protect my kids from the pain and bad influences of the world or should I let them learn what the world is all about?

It's a good question and the answer is that we do both. Sometimes outside influences undermine the very lessons we're trying to teach our children. Kids imitate others and are sometimes easily drawn into foolishness and negative behavior patterns. Poor role models teach poor responses to conflict, angry reactions to disappointment, and bad attitudes of various kinds. Many children are easily drawn in to inappropriate actions and thinking patterns.

Although protection can be helpful for a period of time, it's also productive to have children see the contrast between their family and those that are falling apart. Furthermore, when your children can take a stand for what's right, others benefit and so do they.

Each child is different and the key questions have to do with character. Is your child responsible? We like to define responsibility as doing what's right even when no one is watching. Can your child take a stand for righteousness even under pressure? If not, then maybe allowing too much freedom too early will hinder instead of help the child's growth and maturity.

Of course, as children become more responsible and mature, they can help others who aren't. Many people lack the basic skills that your children are learning. When they're ready, your kids can be great assets to others who are struggling. When making such important decisions you have to take each child's character into account. Don't measure maturity by age. Use character as your measuring stick.

This tip comes from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. It's a book about honor and talks about how we treat one another inside and outside the family.


If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.


Parenting Tip

August 27, 2009


Teens Need Relationship


Getting physically close to your child is important when giving instructions, especially with teenagers. Teens need relationship whether they'll admit it or not. In fact, the stronger the relationship, the less likely you'll get resistance.

Sometimes young people resent having to share in the workload of running a household. You might hear them say something like, "My parents are always ordering me around. It's like I'm their slave." Of course that's not true, but when parents take time to show value for the relationship before giving instructions, they can build a greater sense of teamwork.


When teens can't see how instruction is related to relationship, they’re more likely to justify unkind words or dishonoring actions when they don't like what you've told them to do. They don't understand that obedience is a demonstration of love. Getting physically close makes a statement about who we are together. Face-to-face contact says, "I care about you."


By affirming your relationship in the midst of the instruction, you teach your children an important lesson about the way God relates to us. Spirituality isn't just a list of do's and don'ts, but it comes within the confines of relationship.

Alex, a father of three said it well, "I had a picture in my mind of a Father who yells instructions down from heaven. Distance and harshness characterized my view of God. It wasn't until I became a dad and I remembered how my parents treated me that I began to see the connection. I was viewing God from what I had learned in my family growing up. I work hard now to give instructions in a more relational manner. It's amazing how something as simple as giving and receiving instructions can give you a perspective of who God is and how he relates to us."


For more on how to build a good Instruction Routine with your children, order the book, "Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids." To learn more about relating to teens, consider “Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids." Both of these books are authored by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.


If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.



An Important Back to School Routine

Whether your children are in public school, private school, are homeschooled, you're likely getting into some new routines for the fall. We suggest an important part of any family routine is having a regular Family Night. For ideas about making sure your Family Night is fun and interactive, as well as spiritually nurturing, consider the Family Time Activities books. Click here to learn more.


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Parenting Tip

August 24, 2009


Building Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive


Many parents see a problem and start giving instructions immediately. This often means that they yell across the parking lot or bark commands from the other side of the house. We believe this approach isn't the best. It's not enough to see the need and tell someone to respond to it. That approach doesn't demonstrate value for the relationship. Parenting isn't just about getting tasks done; it's about building relationships at the same time.

Start by getting close to your child. Most of the time this means that before you give an instruction you call your child over to you. This presents a problem in many young families because preschoolers often don't come when they're called. The fact is, even older children don't come when they're called unless they are taught to do so.

Take time to teach your children how to come when you call them. It takes practice but it's well worth the work. Parents often ask, "What do I do in the grocery store when I call my preschooler and he runs away?" Well, the grocery store isn't the place to practice. That's the final exam! By practicing over and over at home and at the park, children are then able to respond in public.

Like every step in a good instruction routine, getting close to each other requires changes from both child and parent. Children also find it tempting to yell across the house. Now children learn that dialogue only takes place when relationship has been established through eye contact and being physically close together. Sometimes it's the small things that demonstrate that a parent cares or that a child is willing to listen. Putting down the paper, looking up from the computer, or just turning to face your child before you speak communicates the importance of what you are about to say.

Some parents report major improvement in a child's responsiveness when they just implement this step and give instructions only when the child is within a few feet. Sometimes that little nonverbal statement about your relationship is all that's needed to gain a more cooperative attitude from your child.

And what if that doesn't work? Well, it's only the first step. Four more steps are yet to come and you can read about them in the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.


If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Parenting Tip

August 20, 2009


An Indirect Approach to Sibling Conflict


One great way to challenge the sibling conflict problems in a household is to play games with your children. Games are miniature scenarios about real life. Whether you're playing a board game, a card game, or some kind of communication or role playing game, children have to use relational skills.

Playing games can teach children how to win, how to lose, how to show mercy, and how to talk humbly. As you play games with your children, model honor. Have fun and enjoy the game but avoid put downs, bragging, boasting, hurtful revenge, and meanness. That seems to be hard even for some parents these days.

Teach children how to win without being hurtful, how to lose without complaining, how to make a good move with humility, and show honor whether you're winning or losing. Kids need to see these things modeled in games so they can learn how to handle similar situations in life.

Choose your comments wisely as you correct or confront others who may not handle themselves well. You may let some things go, but your comments are important and children learn from the things you say.

You may see selfishness and bad attitudes demonstrate themselves. Look for loving ways to correct while still enjoying the game. Play games regularly and continue to look for ways to communicate honor and challenge dishonoring behavior and words. You'll be surprised at how much you can teach without your children even realizing they're in a classroom.

This tip comes from the chapter on teaching siblings to honor in the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.


If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org.

Parenting Tip

July 2, 2009


One of the Keys for a Successful Coaching Relationship with Your Child


One of the ways to help children learn from life is to become their counselor or coach. Life is a great teacher and when it dishes out its lessons, you, as a parent, have a great opportunity to support, encourage, and coach your child to learn from the experience.

The key is to express empathy and validate the pain or disappointment your child is experiencing. Then, you can gently move into a suggestion mode if needed. For example, when the cat scratches your four-year-old son who is playing rough, don't just launch into a lecture. Instead say something like, "Ouch, I'll bet that hurt. It looks like he doesn't like rough play does he?"

Or when your eight-year-old daughter is hungry before dinner because she refused to eat lunch you might say, "I'll bet you're hungry. That's a long time to go without food."

If you leave out the empathy and just move into a lecture mode, children may react poorly. They may view your approach as condescending or cold and respond with defensiveness, anger, or hostility. Empathy communicates love; while at the same time allows the child to accept responsibility for the problem.

Empathy is a primary ingredient for partnership. Empathy reveals understanding and care. Empathy validates the emotions a child is experiencing even though the actions that come out of those emotions may need correction. Demonstrating your love while your child learns from experience can be one of the best ways to teach children lasting lessons about life.


This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.



If this tip was sent to you by a friend and you'd like to continue to receive tips yourself, you can sign up at www.biblicalparenting.org

lost?

no, i am not lost. though looking at my blog, i can certainly see why it would seem that i am. i am shocked to see that it has been since MAY that i have blogged. i guess you could look at my blog history and say that i do way better about my blogging during the winter months than the summer months. i have more time at home, more time to do "me" things.
we have had a great summer of 2009. its already over, officially even. school has been going on for 7 weeks. SEVEN! my babygirl is in MIDDLE SCHOOL! and i made it through that transition with no meltdowns. she got a great group of teachers and is surrounded by many old and a few new friends that are great influences. my boys are both at the same preschool, a huge convienience and time saver, and they love it! they see each other at breakfast and lunch, but thats about it. i am staying busy substituting, very busy thankfully.
summer brought midsouth youth camp, jr high youth group trip to cincinnati ohio, kids group trip to kentucky, a family/friends trip to point mallard, and lots of days to local playgrounds and parks. lacee had an activity every 4 days a week with the youth group, mark anthony had an activity at least every other week, and tommy is just along for the ride.
mark and i are doing great. his work is going well, my work is going well, and we are just enjoying life and each other and our kids. stress? no, its not gone. will it ever be? i guess not.
this week is actually an insane one. we are moving. we have found a place that seems so perfect for us and our family. the plan is to rent for 2 years, then purchase the home. tonight we will load the moving truck up with everything in our current house, except what we need for the night. tomorrow we will move everything out of the truck and into our new house. i will post before and after pictures soon, of course we have been painting and adding our taste to the house.
the kids are excited about the move. well, lacee is. mark anthony is excited at times and worried at times, he does not adjust to change very smoothly. i wouldnt say he has a problem with it, just that he isnt as "sitting on go" as lacee and i are. and again, tommy is just along for the ride. he is pretty much happy here, or there, or anywhere. mark and i? we are excited for it all to be done.

i organized an end of the year celebration party for lacee and all of her classmates at north elementary. it is so hard to believe they will be in middle school next year. it was a lot of work, but was a ton of fun. not everyone in the 5th grade came, but well over half of them did.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

march snow

how funny is it that as we celebrate the nice weather that only a few weeks earlier we were making snow angels in our front yard?!
we had some nice snow, for our area, a few weeks ago. the kids loved playing in it! well, tommy liked it until he fell face first in it, twice. then he was ticked and ready to go in. mark anthony and lacee had a blast in it...until they decided it was too cold. of course they arent used to having to keep those hoods and gloves and extra clothes on, they both kept trying to ditch the gloves and hats, then fussing when the snow got down in their shirts or up their sleeves! ha!
the snow was gone by the afternoon, but it was certainly nice while it lasted!

its almost spring!!!!!

yay! today the weather was fairly nice!! the boys went to school, lacee home not feeling well. at noon mark and i walked 4 blocks. he has been walking everyday since his surgery, and this is the first time i have been able to join him. then this evening, we put the boys in the stroller and lacee joined us. our friends megan and tim also walked with us. we walked a full mile! i am not sore (yet..lets hope thats still true tomorrow!) and am proud of myself!!
after we got home the kids wanted to play outside. to nice to finally get to be out for awhile!! we are really looking forward to nice weather.