Thursday, December 6, 2012

Not getting better

I can list a million "reasons" things don't get better. Not in the right clique. Not at the right church. Not in the right job. Not in the right town. Not being raised with Christ at the center of the home, life, and heart. Too many heartaches. Too many let downs. Not enough help here. Too stubborn. No self esteem. Misunderstood. The list could go on and on.
And maybe all those things are true for you, maybe they are true for me. But this much I know is true, but until we decide to let go and let God, it's not gonna get better. Not permanently.
Sure, I've handed things over to God in prayer many times before. But then the next morning, or later on that same day, I pick back up whatever burden or worry I handed over to Him, and kept on trying to deal with it myself.
Is that really turning it over to Him? Is that what is asked of me? To ask for His help, but still act like He needs my help?
I don't know why I do this. But that's exactly what I do. Every time.
I pray for His help, guidance, wisdom. Yet as soon as that issue comes up, or a new one pops in, here I go all vigilante trying to handle my own business like I am able.
It's not out of a conscious lack of faith or trust on my part that I do this. It's not even a conscious decision to wrestle with what I have prayerfully asked for His hand to govern over. It's not something I mean to do. It just happens.
We must, I must, practice what I actually am saying to God when I tell Him I give it all to Him. I must learn to not just let him hold the problem for me til I am ready to wrestle with it again. I need to ask Him to take it far far away so that I won't try to fix it myself, or worry over it any longer.
To let go and let God.
Really let go, give away, never to see it again.
That is my goal.