overload

i am on emotional and stress overload.
i said before i want to keep this blog positive, and i do. but there still comes a time when we all must unload.
i am at that point right now.
we were supposed to be moving this week. moving to town. and not just to any old house, but to my dream home. not my dream home because of the location or the floor plan or the size or any number of reasons one would call a home a dream home. this is my dream home because it is the house my grandparents built. the house i spent alot of my childhood in. the house that was sold when my dad, grandma, and uncle died. sold without my consent. for 10 yrs i have wanted this house. for 2 months we have been in agreement with the current owners. then out of the blue last week they did a complete 180 and the deal fell through. we are heartbroken.
marks mom is progressively getting worse and worse. and though she and i have never had the kushy relationship i would have liked, it still hurts me to see her in her current state. it hurts me more to see mark hurting as he becomes the parent and she becomes the child. it hurts me because she is my childrens grandmother. the only link to marks side of the family other than him.
gas prices are killing us. our finances have never been great, but this summer they have become increasinly worse. now that school is upon us and a minimum of 2 trips to town at the tune of $10 a day, its hitting really hard. then you factor in the rising cost of food and the rising appetites of growing children. and add in gluten free food for lacee. i bought a bag of bread mix to make her some bread. she hasnt had bread in almost 2 months and nearly cried the other day for bread. well, i didnt know i needed an egg separater. today as i was about to open the bag, i see that requirement. i call mark to ask him to bring one home. he cant, he had already given me our last $10 to put gas in the van. i reduced to tears.
i texted lacee's biological dad.--please tell me the child support check is in the mail. he replied..it is..why? i tell him lacee needs gluten free food, she hasnt had bread in 2 months and nearly cried for a sandwich the other day. his response was to let her have one every once in a while. my response was no i wont risk it. now, i know he loves lacee and he means well. but he hasnt studied celiac disease like i have, or he would never suggest such. i am not risking her intestines being eaten away, her skin breaking out with depetitis hermititis, constant diarreha, and cancer. she will not cheat on my watch. i realize when she is away from me there isnt much i can do. but i will educate her and pray she makes the right decisions. this is what we have to do as parents, educate them and pray. pray that they become christians. pray that they choose friends wisely. the list goes on.
i called my mom.--do you have an egg separater? no. why? i tell her the story.
i had planned on doing in home childcare in the new home. perfect size, perfect location. out goes that option for income for now. i do have 1 part time child, and a few drop ins here and there.
i passed up sending in resumes to a few nice looking jobs lately as i had my plan to provide childcare. i also didnt get a job i really wanted either.
yes, i know in the grand scheme of things my issues arent terrible. they could be alot worse. i am grateful mark and i have each other. i am grateful we have our kids. i am grateful for so many things. i am just going through a rough time. our whole family is. i know God has a great plan for us, a better road ahead. but while i am waiting to see the road sign He is sending me, can you offer up a prayer?