frustration

frustration comes for many reasons. as i age, i am finally getting the reality that while you cannot control every situation, you can choose how you react to it. then that choice can affects what happens next.
this evening lacee and i had that very talk. she has been good all week, has done her chores without fuss, cleaned her room without reminders, and was looking forward to inviting a friend over for the night tonight.
but mark anthony has the stomach virus today. noone in their right mind would send their child over her today. and probably dont want to risk bringing her into their house, just in case she brought his germs with her.
it is not fair. she hasnt done anything to cause her to not be able to have company, or be stuck at home with only family. (yano, cuz at 10 years old, being stuck at home with only your family is absolutely tragic). but yet she is, stuck, at home. no fun for her tonight.
she forgets that she has a library of movies to watch, a computer to play on, a room full of toys, a wii, a ds, etc etc. she HAD a cellphone to talk on as well, until she decided to have a meltdown over her stuck at home tragedy.
i seen it coming. she and i were in my bedroom, hanging 5 loads of laundry. i invited her to come back there and help me with it, so that we could hang out together. so when she said she was upset that her friend couldnt come over, i explained calmly and lovingly to her that i totally understood her frustration, agreed that it wasnt fair, even apologized about it, and reminded her there was nothing i could do about it.
i really try hard to see things from my kids point of view. to not use the "because i said so" line and definately not the "do as i say, not as i do" lines from my childhood. i try that with all children, to let them know i understand where they are coming from and explain the situation to them and the reasons for the way things are the way they are. i think that helps them to understand and make better choices in their lives as well.
but that wasnt good enough for her today.
she proceeded to raise her voice at me. to protest and fuss and tell me just how unfair it was, how she didnt want to be at home she wanted to have fun! now, i want her to talk to me, to share her feelings with me, to explain her frustrations. i encourage that. but i will not tolerate the raising of her voice at me, the arguing the same mute point, etc. she did not yell, i didnt give her that chance.
i took her phone. told her she could do without it for awhile. i dont know how long. i reminded her of her classmates who had uninvolved parents, drug addicted parents, deceased parents, etc. i reminded her of all the activities she gets to be involved in, the places she gets to do, etc. i admitted that we arent perfect parents, not the best in the world probably, but certainly not the worst. definately better than some. that she is blessed with what she has and does not have. this is definately not a situation that warranted such behavior.
she calmed down. she continued to help me with the clothes. she then put the sheets on the top bunk. she has been in a much better mood since then. she is now on the other computer. but she is still without cell phone. i am usually bad to give the phone back when the situation passes when it isnt a major blow out or disobedience. she is a great child and we are very proud of her. her teachers constantly brag on her. but i dont want to let all her good influence me to let her off too easy when she needs a punishment. so i am keeping the phone.
i am hoping that she realizes that while this stuck at home horror is not her fault and is out of our control, the fact that she chose to act out, raise her voice and rudely protest was her choice. her decision. and by that she caused herself to be without her most prized posession.